Primary Job of the Speaker:
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Establish metta for yourself and your partner, then as much as possible, use this time to investigate the inner process of your experience.
Notice where you are getting 'hooked,' and name conditioning's influence on your perception of reality. Listen to yourself with metta (loving-kindness) as you speak, and allow space for insights to come as you talk through what you're sharing.
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Primary Jobs of the Listener:
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1. ATTENTION and METTA
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Provide loving-kindness and ATTENTION to another being while also circulating loving kindness through oneself.
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There is a practice in Buddhism called Raising up Bodhicitta. It is the basic practice of realizing oneness with all beings, and opening up the heart. It is facilitated by the Metta (loving-kindness) Practice. When we allow ourselves to experience loving kindness and then to extend it out, we are ready to listen.​
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Recognize that everybody gets caught in conditioned mind when they feel scared or not resourced and recognize that your loving attention will be an aid to them feeling resourced, so your biggest job is loving attention
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Remember that you cannot extend metta to another without experiencing it yourself, so although you are going to get caught in conditioned mind while you are trying to listen and you’re going to get distracted, your job is to just come back, and remember that you are enough. Whatever attention you do have for the other person is really valuable.
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2. REFLECTION
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When there is space to interject, your job is to reflect. Reflect back to your partner what you heard without adding any comments, analysis, or opinions of your own.
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3. KEEPING TIME
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When the allotted time is up, your job is to interrupt lovingly and not get tripped up in that moment by whatever conditioned mind programming you may have about interrupting or needing to take care of other people's feelings, or what have you. This is a wonderful way to practice setting boundaries, and allowing others to have their own experience.